Disclaimer: This is my story and I reserve the right to say it the
way I like. So I have nothing to disclaim about. This is essentially a
non-disclaimer.
Warning: This is a very long post.
Note: If you’re an IIT or an IIM aspirant, I’d suggest you better
not read this. If you still want to read it, I’d like you to treat this as a
story. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s neither meant to dishearten you, nor is
it meant to inspire you. But if it does, don’t blame me. Either way, it’s a
story. A real one nevertheless.
Another Note: If you’re someone who’s close to me and knows me
well, you’d know this already for you’d have seen me through this. It’s up to
you whether you wanna read it or not.
First of all, let me begin with a
small confession. The word “Ainavaram” in the title has no connection to this
story. I know Ainavaram to be a place in Chennai. Neither have I been to
Ainavaram nor do I have any clue as to what it looks like. I have just heard
the name and it struck me when I was thinking of a title for this post. You
have those newbie authors giving fancy title to their works to garner
attention. So there you go. I’m guilty too :-)
The smooth sailing, the
smart kid and the bright student:
Well, the sailing was smooth. Up
to a certain point. I was one of those chirpy kids who get labeled as smart and
bright at a very young age. Started quizzing as early as third standard and the
inquisitive nature never stopped me. The urge to learn new things led me to
read a lot and a smart kid was born. This kid kept building on his strengths
and made a mark for himself at the school level. Academically too, I performed
well, finishing among the top three of the class always. As a student and a
school going kid, it was a relatively smooth sailing for me with the path
dotted with many laurels along the way.
The high point:
Every journey has to peak at some
point. For me, it happened in 10th standard. I scored 1025 out of
1100 marks (93.2 percent) in my Board Exams and finished third in the school. More
plaudits followed and I was hailed as this kid who’s headed for a great
destiny. I was soaking in the limelight and was sailing among the clouds for
sometime. I didn’t know what lay ahead then.
The big mistake: the
IIT Dream Factory
Somewhere along the way in my
journey, my dad happened to mention the three letters to me. The three letters
that could change my life forever; or so, I thought. IIT. Today it’s so popular
with the advent of 24X7 media, but back then, about 10 years ago, it was not as
popular as it is now. So when you see a bright young kid winning laurels and
making a mark in every field, it’s only natural that you suggest him a place
that would fulfill his true potential. That was how IIT came into my life. I dreamt
about IIT, I longed to be a part of it. That was where my heart was back then.
A senior from school had cracked the IIT with an All India Rank of 31 and made it
to IIT Madras. He became my role model by default. My food, my drink, my sleep,
all resonated the three words – IIT. It started as a passion. Became an
obsession. I joined the only centre providing coaching for IIT – JEE back then
in Coimbatore. I joined all the Correspondence courses that I could think of. I
studied every day. Sometimes every night. I thought I was on the right track. I
thought I had it in me. What I failed to realize then was that my efforts then
were merely a fraction of the efforts one would require to put in to get into
an IIT. I fooled myself into thinking that I had it me, that I could make it. I
didn’t realize that staying in Coimbatore, I hardly had any exposure that one
would ideally require to make it to an IIT. In this relentless pursuit, my
academics began to suffer. I failed for the first time in my life in 11th
standard Half-yearly exams. I failed in Physics, a subject that I liked. I was
devastated. But like with so many things, it’s the first time that hurts. Not
afterwards. I failed again in 12th standard Quarterly and
Half-yearly exams. This time in Chemistry and Mathematics. I hated Chemistry
but I loved Maths. Yet here I was, failing in all three subjects that I was
supposed to ace in order to get into an IIT. I was clueless. I was helpless. I
didn’t know what to do. In school, I was hiding from the teachers who taught me
till 10th for all they know was that Ashwin was a bright student. I
didn’t want them to see this face of Ashwin. This guy who was a failure.
On the one hand, I believed that
I could make it to the IIT even though my preparation on that front dropped significantly.
On the other hand, I needed to get serious about my academics, lest I fail in
my 12th Standard. The onus was completely on me for I was this
stubborn kid who refused to take up tuitions even when all other students in my
class went for tuitions. So I decided to
give this IIT business a break and concentrate on my Academics. So for the next
2 months, I studied and started passing the subjects. But in a state as
competitive as Tamilnadu, a pass would get me nowhere. I had to be in the top
brass – 95% and above. I did try hard and gave it my best in the exams. But the
results were a big letdown.
The worst phase:
I still remember the day very
clearly – 22nd of May, 2006. Probably the worst day in my
professional life. I got the results. I passed. I scored 1058 out of 1200 (88
percent). Normally any kid would be happy with that score. But in the
environment that I grew up in, that score was a disaster. Being a General
category student in Tamilnadu, that score was next to nothing. It was as though
my whole world came crashing down. My home bore a look as though it was in a
state of mourning that day. Phone calls kept coming in. None of them were
congratulatory. It was all commiserations. My parents graciously took
responsibility for my failure saying that it was their mistake that they did
not guide me properly. I was heartbroken. They trusted me and gave me
everything that I asked for and yet I failed them.
Soon, all entrance exam results
followed and as expected, I did not clear any – be it IIT or AIEEE or other
tests. Panic struck and in a state of desperation, I was enrolled into a B.Sc.
Computer Science course in one of the prestigious Arts & Science Colleges
in the city as the Engineering admissions were more than a month away and I
faced the real possibility of ending up in a third-rate Engineering college. So
I went to this BSc course for a month. People around me were all happy for they
had made it to the best college in the city but I could not take it. Here I
was, dreaming of getting into IIT only a couple of months back and yet here I
am. I hid from everyone back then. From friends, from relatives, from my
teachers, from everyone. I didn’t want them to look and sympathize with me. It
was probably the worst phase of my life. Engineering admissions happened and I
got admission to a decent college in the city. It wasn’t a great college, but
it wasn’t bad either. Somehow, I mustered up the courage to come out of my
hiding and tell everyone that I got admission to so and so college in the city.
The vow:
Still the IIT dreams hadn’t left
me. I was floating the idea of giving IIT again. I could not bear the fact that
I was doing Engineering from an ordinary college when all my friends were in
better colleges. Once I was arrogant enough to reply that I won’t look at
anything other than IIT when a person suggested the names of Anna University or
PSG Tech. On the first day of Engineering, our HOD told us “What you do in the
next 4 years will determine how your next 40 years are going to be like.” I
took his words seriously. Even though I
had one eye on giving the IIT again, I vowed that it should not let my
Academics suffer at any cost. I worked diligently. As a result, I topped my
class in the first year of Engineering. Though I gave IIT again, I knew the
result beforehand for I hardly put in any effort. I accepted that this was my
college and this is where I had to shape my destiny from.
The Redemption:
The next 3 years saw me redeem
myself to my past glory. I started going out to competitions and started
winning prizes too. Quiz was my forte and I did not miss any quiz in the city.
I was not ashamed of my college anymore. I realized that it was something
psychological and it was my own creation. I realized that people saw me for who
I was, not for my college. Yet I learnt to feel proud of my college and declare
that I was from Sri Ramakrishna Institute of Technology (SRIT). My school
friends stood by me. We were a closely knit group of six people and we had
absolutely no ego. We did not care about others’ colleges or other aspects. My
quiz partner was one of them. He ensured that he invited me as his partner for
every quiz in the city despite the fact that he was from a prestigious college
in the city and had better quizzers there.
For the six of us, college hardly mattered. We were the same buddies
from school. The world of quizzing introduced me to some of the best people
that I have ever known. There was this quizzer from PSG Tech, the most
prestigious college in the city, who wrote how people judge him based on his
college and how it should not matter if he was from PSG Tech or some XYZ Engg. College.
It’s the person that mattered, not the college. Reading that gave me fresh
vigour. Now it did not matter to me if I was from IIT or SRIT. Infact during
this period, I visited IIT 3 to 4 times and realized that the people studying
there were mere mortals too. I revered the students there the first time I
visited the campus. The reverence slowly wore off as I began to realize that
they were just like me. Infact, I was better than some of them in certain
aspects. It’s just because of the fact that they had managed to clear an
entrance exam that I could not, they were here and I was elsewhere.
I did well academically too
during this phase and landed a good job with Vedanta Resources. My redemption
was complete when I was awarded 2 gold medals for being the Best Outgoing
student of my college and for being the Department topper. Ashwin Murali was no
longer the guy who fared badly in 12th standard but a gold
medallist.
The next dream factory:
IIM
When I failed to clear the IIT
for the second time, somewhere in my mind I decided to target the other dream
factory, namely the IIMs. I started preparing for the CAT from the third year
of college onwards. Though I was focused on my preparation, it lacked the
intensity that one would require to clear the CAT. As a result, I ended up with
an 84.5 percentile score in my first attempt. Since I had a job in hand, it did
not bother me much and I went to work with Vedanta Resources in Jharsuguda,
Odisha. I gave CAT again, this time with no preparation and ended up with a
score of 89 odd percentile. Though it was good, I knew with some more effort, I
could hit a 98-99 percentile and target my dream factory. So I started again.
In the months that followed my joining Vedanta, I grew really homesick and
started cribbing a lot. I’m really thankful to the people who had to put up
with me during that phase. I was lucky to have had an excellent bunch of people
around me back then, who motivated me enough to take up CAT again. This was
going to be my third and hopefully last attempt at CAT, provided I made it to
an IIM. I studied hard juggling work and studies. I used to sit and take a mock
CAT after a tired day’s work. Though I tried hard, I knew there was something
lacking. Still I gave CAT hoping that I could improve on my 89 percentile score
from the previous year. Within 20 days of giving my CAT, I was transferred to a
plant in Tuticorin. I checked my CAT results from Tuticorin . 83 percentile. I
was devastated. Three attempts at CAT and all three were unsuccessful. It was a
throwback to the IIT preparation days again. I didn’t know what to do. I
decided to concentrate on the work in hand.
The next 4 months in the
Tuticorin plant were the hardest that I have ever worked in my life. My job was
so hectic that I hardly had any time to think about CAT, leave alone, study for
it. It was April 2012 and I knew that I had had enough. Though I was performing
well on the job front, I was not enjoying it. I had to do something about it. I
thought hard and bravely, I put in my papers. I went to T.I.M.E. Coimbatore and
spoke with the Director who I hardly knew back then. He looked at my past CAT
scores and was kind enough to offer me a Faculty job in the area of Logical
Reasoning & Data Interpretation after seeing that I had scored in the high
90s consistently in that area in all my three previous CAT attempts.
The final push: the
T.I.M.E. journey:
The one year that I spent at
T.I.M.E. was one of the most fruitful periods of my life. I learnt so many
things about life during that period. You can read about it here.
After joining T.I.M.E., I made up
my mind to give it my all for it’s going to be now or never. I can’t keep
postponing my higher studies any longer for age was catching up with me. Within
days of joining TIME, I realized that I had to work extra hard for my
colleagues were all a step ahead of me for they had been in TIME longer. I
slogged real hard for the next two months. I slogged day and night. Slowly my
mock CAT scores started improving and I caught up with my colleagues and
eventually I overtook them. That was when I started relaxing a bit for I felt
contented as my mock CAT scores were soaring high.
I now believe that when you’re
competing for something, it’s never ok to feel completely contented. The moment
you feel that is the moment your efforts take a backseat. That’s exactly what
happened to me. A month before the CAT, I grew confident and was contented and
this slackened my preparation. Still I gave CAT and this time, I scored 97
percentile. I knew that I could have scored 99 had my preparation not
slackened, yet it was a big relief for me. This score meant that I was going to
end up in some good college if not an IIM.
Soon I followed it up with scores of 98 percentile in SNAP and a 95
percentile in XAT.
Four days after my CAT results, I
got an interview call from IIM Kashipur. I was overjoyed. Even with a 97
percentile score, it was still possible to get an IIM call. Probably my work
experience helped me there. Though it was a call from the newest IIM, it was
still an IIM – a dream factory and that’s all that mattered to me. There were
also calls from other good colleges like MDI Gurgaon, XIMB, Symbiosis, IMT
Ghaziabad, IIT Roorkee, IIT Kanpur and a couple of other colleges.
The next one month was spent
travelling around the country giving interviews at various locations. I did
fairly well in all interviews and got admits to all the colleges except MDI
Gurgaon where I was placed in the waitlist. But I was not worried about these.
I knew my big prize was waiting. The IIM results got delayed and I kept waiting.
Finally the results came and I was wait-listed. Disappointment. But I was
hopeful of making it in the second list which was due in 5 days for the IIM
interview was probably the best interview that I gave in the entire season.
Joining XIMB and the
good news:
By now I had decided after
detailed research that I’d be joining XIMB if IIM doesn’t come through. The
second list came and I was again in the waitlist. Disappointment again. I didn’t know what to do for the date
for joining XIMB was getting nearer. With a heavy heart, I decided to bid
goodbye to my IIM dreams and join XIMB. I went and joined XIMB, by which time
the third list had also come and I was wait-listed in that too. I started
liking XIMB and took to the place so much that I even forgot to check the
fourth list. In the evening, I opened my mail casually to find a mail from IIM
Kashipur saying that I had been admitted. I didn’t know how to react then. It
didn’t sink in then. Then slowly I realized. Realized that here was the dream
factory, the place I longed to be in for 6 years and I have finally made it.
The next one week was packed with
frantic activities – withdrawing from XIMB, vacating my hostel, booking tickets
for Kashipur, Medical tests, etc. The journey has almost always been frantic
for me. I’m used to it.
The dream realized:
Just the beginning
Finally I arrived at IIM Kashipur
on June 29th, 2013. A dream was realized. The redemption was
complete. But my experience had taught me that this was just the beginning. The
Director’s speech echoed the same sentiments – “ How you make use of these 2
years would determine where you end up?”
Sounds familiar? ;-) Time to start all over again :-)
Some Insights:
Looking back, through all these
travails, my parents were a huge support for me. They stood by me through thick
and thin. So did my brother who believed in me when nobody else did. Then I had
this wonderful bunch of friends from school and a small group of friends from
college. I also had an excellent group of people around me at Vedanta. Not to
mention my favourite gang from TIME. I would be no one but for these people. So
my first insight is to surround yourself with the right people and your job is
half-done.
I heard a young speaker in a recent
TEDx convention say this: “Everyone has an ego. At some point, your ego gets
hit. The sooner it gets hit, the better for you.” Mine got hit in 11th
standard. What was till then an infallible impression, got shattered overnight.
I learnt this important lesson in
college – You’re inferior to none and you’re superior to none. The moment you
think of yourself as superior to someone is the moment you start losing.
Similarly the moment you start thinking of yourself as inferior to someone is
the moment you start giving up.
Finally, I’m a firm believer in
the immortal words of Swami Vivekananda – “You are the creator of your own
destiny.”
Go ahead and create your
destiny!! All the best !!
- Ashwin Murali
PS: I wanted this story to be
told for a long time for there could be many out there who might feel like
giving up at different points of time. I hope they carve out a path for
themselves and realize their dreams.
PPS: Since it’s a real life
story, you may have sensed a bit of emotion here and there and I may have
unconsciously dramatized certain things. Forgive me if that was the case
anywhere.
