What’s in a Name?

Hello all, am back again :-) The month gone by has been very eventful with lots of travel and it brought its own share of good news :-)  

Coming to this post, I’m sure we all would have come across this question – What’s in a name?

I am asking you the same – What’s in a name? 

Well, so many things. First of all, how are we named? Do we know the meaning of our names?  

There’s more to it than meets the eye.

Gone are the days when the child is named after the grandparent. Today we have people scouting for unique names for their children. Their efforts have borne fruit too for today we have kids with very unique names.

When we look into the names, we only see how it sounds. We don’t really look into its meaning. Every name has to mean something. 

Really?

Oh, yeah!

Until a year ago, I really didn’t know what my name really meant. I knew that I was named “Ashwin”, ‘cause I was born on the day of “Ashwini” star according to the Tamil Calendar. So I thought that my name means the Ashwini star. That was when I chanced upon this book called “The Penguin Book of Hindu Names” by Maneka Gandhi in an airport. Curiously, I turned the pages to see if my name was present. It was and that was when I got to know the actual meaning of my name. It means “a person who rides on the back of a horse” :-) I am pretty sure that my parents didn’t know that too when they named me :-)  Well, it was some sort of a revelation for me. That’s when I started to look into what names meant. Some names are straightforward in meaning like Surya, Aditya, Roshni, etc. Whereas some names have a  meaning that could be made out from the name itself. Eg. “Anamika” means a person with no name :-) Funny :-) There are also names like Ashwin where the meaning is not apparent in the name but hidden within in the language of origin (Sanskrit in this case) :-)

Surname:

While there’s no trouble with the names, it’s the surname that’s a real cause for concern. In our country, it so happens that in 75-80 pc of the cases, the surname reveals more than what’s necessary or to put it differently, it gives away the bio-data of a person. 

Casteism is a big bane in our country. And in most parts of the country, it’s the caste name that is taken as a surname. Be it a Patel or a Sharma or a Menon or a Dutt or a Banerjee, they’re all caste names. So as soon as you hear the full name of a person, you can make out which part of the country he/she’s from, which caste he/she belongs to, what were their ancestors like, whether they’re from the so-called forward community or the oppressed classes, what their characteristic traits will be like, etc.  I am not exaggerating in any way. It’s true that our country has been divided on these lines to such a great extent that people can judge you so much just by knowing your caste and their task is made simpler if your name gives it away. 

In that sense, I do feel proud that I belong to a state where this practice has been done away with. Yes, in Tamilnadu, that system is non-existent. Gone were the days when you could find a Periasamy Thevar or a Velu Naicker or a Chinnappa Gounder loitering down the streets. Yes. Even now they are present but they  must all be over  50 years of age. No youngster in Tamilnadu these days is given a caste name as his/her surname. 

This being the case, I find it peculiar why certain youngsters especially from the so-called forward castes take pride in attaching their caste names as their surnames. Please don’t mistake me. I belong to one such so-called forward castes  too and it really pains me to see when people, that too youngsters, doing this with pride. 

Once back when I was in Orissa, I explained to a colleague with pride that in my state, people don’t attach their caste names to their names. All it took for him was to scan through my Facebook friends list and prove me wrong. And believe it or not, all the people he pointed out to prove me wrong were all people from the so-called forward castes who had attached their caste names as their surnames. And worse still was the fact that many of them did not have their caste names attached in their official names but took pride in doing so very openly for the world to see in Facebook. I really don’t understand why. Be it a Niranjan Iyengar or a Varshini Iyer or a Mahalakshmi Iyer, I only found these so-called forward caste people doing this. I could not find a single Rajesh Gounder or a Sandeep Thevar or a Prakash Chettiar anywhere online or offline.

Again, don’t mistake me. As I said, I belong to one of those so-called forward castes and the pain I felt when I realized that it was my own brethren who were doing this in an otherwise model state in this aspect, is what is making me say all this even if it’s been more than a year since that day.

So my request to every one of you, irrespective of who you are, is that please refrain from giving a caste name to your ward’s name. If you’ve been officially named with your caste name, nothing can be done but you can limit the use of your surname atleast.

For fellow youngsters who have attached their caste names to their names, please stop doing so. It’s not a matter of pride to let the world know of your caste that too through your name. There is absolutely no pride in showcasing your caste, no matter whichever the so-called high caste you belong to. No caste is high or low. And let me tell you that broadcasting your caste to the world is not going to earn you any brownie points but it will only make everyone look down upon you as a casteist. Casteism is one of the prime ills of our society and to get rid of it, we youngsters should lead the way. Never mind what the person next to you is doing. You can be the change. You can show the way. Let the generations to come atleast refrain from using their caste identity in their everyday life. 

The Naming System:

In Tamilnadu, we follow this practice of giving an initial to the actual name of the child. The initial is usually the first letter of the father’s name. Now increasingly the first letter of the mother’s name is also being used as initial.

But a more pragmatic approach of naming a child would be to attach the parent’s name to the child’s name. This is the standard approach that has been followed throughout the globe.  If named that way, then there would be no confusion when the child’s passport is being issued. Thanks to Facebook, more and more people are starting to follow this practice of naming.  And I have to thank my parents who were intelligent and futuristic enough to think and name me that way. In “Ashwin Murali”, Ashwin is my name and Murali is my dad’s name. There were quite a few people in my school who were named this way like Chandrashekar Anand or Aishvarya Ananth. 

When I was in Orissa, people used to ask me if I belong to a caste called “Murali” and I used to answer in the negative and explain the naming system in Tamilnadu to them with pride. My pride took a hit on that particular day. Sigh. Ever since that day, I could not explain with the same pride knowing that there are people who atleast on the outset, look casteist. 

A confusion may arise as to why only the father’s name. No issues there. It’s perfectly normal to attach the mother’s name too and people have started doing that. 

And staying on the topic of mother, the obvious question next would be about women taking their husband’s name for a surname. Not at all necessary, I say. It’s completely a matter of choice and I am definitely against women changing their official names in the records. Here again I’d cite the example of my mom who retained her official name in all records. It’s only in Facebook that she has my dad’s name attached to her name and that again is a matter of personal choice.

 I recently spoke to a friend (a senior) who got married. I asked him about his wife’s changed name in Facebook. He told me that he made it clear to her that he doesn’t want her official name to be changed in anyway. But he had this long-cherished dream of seeing his name attached to his wife’s name in Facebook  and he spoke to her about it and requested her to do so just for a month if she wishes. LOL. She readily obliged and even though it’s been more than a month, the name has remained that way and when he told her that she could revert to her old name, she gave him a stern look and asked if that wouldn’t look odd to the world around. LOL. True indeed :-)  Doing that now would make people think that they have separated :-) He realized that and left the matter to her and she’s perfectly happy with her new name even if it’s only in Facebook. I realized that in this case, everything was a matter of personal choice except that sheepish request that he made initially. Cute couple they are :-)

In another case, I remember a friend joking that his brother would now change his name by attaching his wife’s name to his name now that he got married :-)  LOL :-D Yes, that could happen a lot in the future too. Infact, I know a person who has his wife’s name behind his name in Facebook. I even asked him once about it and he calmly replied “What’s wrong in that? She’s everything for me and it’s the least I could do to her even if it’s just Facebook.” :-)  Made perfect sense.  Again a matter of choice :-)

Let me finish with this one incident that I remember. When the anti-reservation protests were happening in the country against the OBC quota in higher educational institutions, all the students in IIT Kanpur changed their surnames to “Bharat” (the country’s name) as they did not wish to be divided along the lines of caste. Excellent, I felt.

Guess that’s enough for now.

I have refrained from dealing with caste-based naming system in the rest of the country in this post as I felt that I require a deeper understanding of the system there before I can talk about/condemn those. 

It is for the same reason that I have refrained from talking about the naming systems in other religions as it would not be appropriate for me to talk about it unless I have a deeper understanding/affiliation.

Forgive me if you felt offended in any way reading this post but understand that these are my humble opinions and I wish to talk straight from the heart,  atleast in my written word. 

Cheers :-)

-Ashwin Murali

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this post are strictly the author’s personal views and are not intended to offend any particular caste/community/religion in any way. Also the names used in this post are completely fictional and any resemblance to any person dead/alive is purely coincidental.

PS: Chandrashekar and Aishvarya are the only real names that I have used in this post. So Chandru or Aishu, if you read this, please don’t  mind that I used your names without permission. :-)

PPS: My future wife, whoever you are,  let me assure you that I leave the naming issue completely to your choice J So let this not deter you in any way ;-) ;-) ;-) But please don’t change my Facebook name, ok? ;-) ;-)  :-)

   

A Significant Milestone in an Epic Journey

It’s been a while, a month to be exact. A month since my last blog post. 

But this one’s special, very special. 

I should have posted this a couple of days ago but couldn’t. Never mind. 2 days is no big deal in a journey that has been 25 years old.

An epic journey.

If you’re still wondering, I am talking about my parents who celebrated their 25^th Wedding Anniversary on Feb 14^th (Thursday). A glorious Silver Jubilee. This post is dedicated to them and to marriage in general.

25 years ago, two semi-orthodox families came together and decided to get their wards married. Their wards were nearing their thirties and it was high time they got married. And so it happened. 

No marriage is without troubles. This was no different. This young couple did not have a smooth start. They had to undergo turbulent times for atleast a year until their son arrived. The very son who’s writing this post and making you all read. This couple learnt to be on their own and their son brought them joy and fortune.

 In another 4 years time, another son arrived. The journey, though not as easy as they would have expected it to be, continued. 

It went on and on until they had to face some torrid times. It was harsh. It was rough. It affected them badly. Financially and emotionally. The ripples were felt even by the kids and yet the couple made sure that the kids were shielded completely from their troubles. Despite their own differences, they held on and fought bravely. 

Little by little, their troubles vanished. They recovered and came up stronger like never before. It did give rise to some new opportunities. They made use of it. Time got better. Their kids were brought up well and they did manage to show their prowess in different fields. This delighted the couple. 

The new opportunity did separate them but this only made the family bond stronger. They got better in every sense. And the journey continued. That journey is now 25 years old.  It continues.

Wow!! 

What an achievement!! 

“Why all this ado?” you may ask.

 Is this celebration necessary?

 My answer would be a big YES. 

In an age where there is a talk of how the institution of Marriage itself has become redundant, it’s definitely an achievement that’s worth celebrating. 

People talk of how stupid the idea of an arranged marriage is. I don’t agree. Yes, in the present age, the idea of getting married to someone you got to know only because your parents/guardians insisted on meeting them does sound crazy. Also you might have known them for barely a month or two. So we may not agree with this concept but those days were different. 

They mostly had arranged marriages then and most of them were very successful unlike the marriages today. Yes there might have been those unhappy marriages which last owing to compulsions like kids, financial security, etc., but there were also a lot of successful and very happy arranged marriages. So please don’t take to dissing   arranged marriages. You may not like it and you may not prefer it but dissing all arranged marriages in general is just taking it too far. Leave it, if you don’t like it. 

So under such circumstances, an arranged marriage to have happily lasted for 25 years is indeed a great milestone in an epic journey. Yes, there were fights, differences of opinion, sacrifices, fall, rise, joy, hate, pride, envy and every other emotion that you could think of. But this journey is about taking it all in its stride and moving on and moving forth. It’s ultimately about how two people held on to each other despite all the bumps in the ride.

Hence it definitely deserves a celebration!!

As a proud son, I propose a toast to my wonderful parents who had given me everything that I could hope for – a comfortable life, good education, a healthy body and a sound mind. With these, I can even conquer the world. 

Thank you Amma and Appa and wish you a very happy Silver Jubilee. Here’s to the next 25 + years…. 

Cheers.

-Ashwin Murali

Words are not what they mean

Back to blogging in the New Year. Last couple of weeks was very eventful with mostly good things happening. Hope it continues.

Coming to today’s post, I’ve often wondered how words have changed over time. They don’t mean the same over a period of time as they meant at the beginning. Ofcourse, I’m not talking about all words, but some words have transformed. Let’s look at some of them.

Homely:

What does ‘homely’ mean? If I had not been taught its meaning by a nice teacher, I’d probably say that it means ‘of home or suitable to a house’ or something of that sort. 

 But dictionary defines ‘homely’ as plain, pretentious and lacking in physical beauty.

We generally associate that term with a girl, usually a prospective bride. People say they’d prefer a homely girl. What they actually mean is that they’d prefer a girl, who’s traditional in nature, suitable enough to fit in anyone’s house adjusting herself to the surroundings. 

Are there such girls present today? ;-) Just kidding :-)

 I agree that it’s offensive to girls in general that such a demand for a ‘homely’ girl is being made in today’s world. Perhaps, girls should start demanding a ‘homely’ boy then. I’m not even venturing into the definition of a ‘homely’ boy. Please do if you wish ;-) :-)

But the point is that 99.9 percent of the people using that word, especially in South India, do not know its dictionary meaning. Like all other Indians, people were probably looking for a word that would aptly fit in and describe the characteristics mentioned and they hit upon this word. 

Another problem is in suggesting an alternative. What alternative would you suggest for ‘homely’?  ‘Traditional’ sounds fine but in today’s world that sounds more offensive than some swear words. Think of it? How would you react if you were called a traditional girl/boy? Does sound odd. Got to stick with ‘homely’.

Having been taught well, I don’t use it in that context, but I find everyone else using it. I can correct some but not everyone. So the simple solution lies in me not using it but understand what people mean by it if they use it. So many eminent people have used it. Time to accept that the word has undergone/is undergoing a transformation in our own unique Indian way. 

Guardians of the English language/dictionary writers at Oxford & Cambridge should perhaps realize that the words they define don’t mean the same in India :-)  Perhaps they must come up with an Indian edition, ‘cause we’re unique.

Dude:

Another interesting word. Dictionary defines it as “an informal way to address a man; a man who’s much concerned with his dress and appearance”.

But if you ask people using it, people like you and me, we’d say that it simply means a ‘cool guy’. But did you know what the word meant when it was first coined?

It meant a ‘dud’. Yes. The word was coined in the 1860s and at that time it was used to refer to males who were extremely well-dressed that their dressing was often incongruous (out of place). So they were called ‘dud’ (boring, fool, etc.). This became ‘dude’ and transformed in meaning to its present form. 

Another issue here is gender based. Though the word is used to refer to males, it has come to be more unisexual of late, being used for both genders.

But the actual female equivalent of a ‘dude’ is a ‘dudette’, which again is not the original term. According to Webster’s Dictionary, the female equivalent of a dude is a ‘dudine’. But again the term might have sounded uncool and someone thought of this term ‘dudette’.   

Again ‘dudette’ has come to mean something different, somewhere close to its original meaning.

In today’s college parlance, ‘dudette’ means a girl who’s dumb. She might be well-dressed, elegant and might talk only in English. Even if you talk to her in Tamil knowing that she can speak that language perfectly well, she’ll be like “Eniku Thaamil theriyaadhu” (I don’t know Tamil). If you ask her about who the Chief Minister or Governor of the state is, she’ll probably say “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t read politics, you see.”

So there’s your ‘dudette’ , atleast that’s what a ‘dudette’ means in today’s college parlance. So if someone calls you a dudette, be offended or perhaps, you really are one ;-)

That’s why ‘dude’ is being used unisexually these days.

Weather and Climate:

I’ve corrected the maximum no. of people with these words. We’ll talk a little Geography here. I owe a lot of my knowledge in Geography to a wonderful teacher named Sujatha Ma’am who taught me Geography at school. I did well in Geography & scored a 98pc in my board exam. I guess that qualifies me to teach you all a little Geography. 

When you talk about the weather of a place, you’re talking about the climatic conditions of a place over a short period of time like a day or a couple of days or a week at the maximum.

When you talk about the climate of a place, you’re talking about the climatic conditions of a place over a long period of time like 20 to 30 years or more.

You don’t say “Today’s climate is good”. You say “Today’s weather is good.” 

Similarly you say “Bangalore has a pleasant climate or Coimbatore has a pleasant climate or Chennai has a sultry climate” as you’re talking about the prevalent general conditions in those places for years together.

Guys/ Gals and the usage of Mrs./Ms.

Another issue that arises is with regard to the usage of ‘guys’. ‘Guy’ means a male and it’s plural form is ‘guys’. The apt female equivalent of this word is ‘gal’. But again, there’s this ‘uncoolness’ about that word. So people don’t prefer to use it. Even ‘guys and girls’ is more acceptable in today’s parlance than people calling ‘guys and gals’. This again has led to the word ‘guys’ being used unisexually. There’s a reverse gender bias here ;-) All words that were guys’ are being taken away from us ;-)  :-)

Another interesting word is the word ‘mistress’. Though in India people have taken to referring their wife as ‘mistress’, the word actually means an adulterous woman, signifying an illicit relationship. Unlike other words like ‘homely’, mistake in this word should be deemed unacceptable. So please don’t use the word ‘mistress’. Introducing them as your ‘wife’ or ‘spouse’ or as your ‘better half’ is good enough. While on this topic, I’m reminded of a joke that I read in some magazine a long time back.

A foreigner and his wife were travelling in a train and they were seated next to a village couple. The villager was strangely staring at the foreigner’s wife. The foreigner noticed this and to make things clear, he said to his wife, “I’m your husband and you’re my wife.” The villager saw this and trying to ape him, he turned to his wife and said “I’m your handpump and you’re my pipe.” :-D

For males, such a problem never existed as they were addressed as ‘Mr.’ irrespective of their marital status. This injustice to females was noticed and it was first suggested that the title of “Ms.” be used for women in 1901 in The Republican magazine.  This issue was later taken forward by American Business Writers Association and from 1970s onwards, the title “Ms.” has been used to refer to women.  Newspapers like The Guardian have given fillip to this usage by stating that they’d refer to all women by the title “Ms.” unless the women being addressed themselves state their preference to be addressed as either “Miss” or “Mrs.”

Hmmm/Hmm

If you’re wondering what this means,  be assured that you’re not alone. We are sailing in the same boat. Perhaps the most irritable response that you could get from someone in a text message is ‘hmmm’. It’s not even a proper word for heaven’s sake. People use it in oral conversations as means of letting the speaker know that he/she is being listened to. Stop it with that. Please don’t take it to written communication. Good communicators never use it in their writing. It’s just a conversation filler. There can hardly be anything more irritating than when you receive a reply “hmm” in response to a lengthy message that you typed and sent. If you want to acknowledge, you can atleast use words like “ok” or even a “smiley” would be a better response than “hmm”. Please avoid it if you’re in the habit of using it. I recently found a person, who I regard as a very good communicator, using it. I advised that  person not to use it, only to find the words “hmm” again in that person’s message to me. Old habits die hard, I guess ;-) :-)

 

Will update on more such words as and when I come across them.

Cheers,

Ashwin Murali