A year that got me ‘a dear’

It’s the end of the year and time for my end-of-the-year post. What surprises and saddens me at the same time is the fact that this is just my third post this year. I’ve been saying that I have to write more, but mere talking never helps in this case. It’s the action and not the words that count. Well, having given myself a tight slap with the previous sentence, let’s move on to other things.

The year has been good to me in more ways than one and despite the occasional lows, there’s very little cause for complaint. Let me break the big news to those few of you who don’t follow me in any social media platforms but here. I’m engaged. Yes, you read that right. That explains the title of this post. :-) I can shout and make it dramatic like Monica Geller, but let me leave that part to my fiancée, who, by the way, is called Monica. Well, not quite. She’s Moneeka, but yeah. It may seem like quite a coincidence for those of you who might have read my previous blog post. Well, that post was a figment of my imagination and quite rightly, my fiancée observed that the girl in that post was too idealistic to be true. Ha ha. No pressure, darling. Jokes apart, with that big news in tow, I guess I am allowed that bit of room for excuse for not keeping up with my promise, atleast on the writing front. I did write a small poem to break this news to the world. You can read it here. So, yeah. I have my excuse. ;-)

The year actually started with me taking up that challenge of watching and reviewing all Oscar – nominated films before the actual awards ceremony. I did win that challenge and that set me up for what could have been a more productive year, writing-wise. I did review quite a few films in Facebook. It is just that the intended blog posts didn’t happen. Also, I started off with a ‘Sports 50’ post to list out 50 sportspersons who have given me the greatest joy of watching/following sports. Even that series is stuck and is yet to move on from its second post. 

I happened to read the testimonials that my batchmates had written for me in my IIM Kashipur Yearbook. It throws some light on what I was and what my goals were a couple of years ago. Things have changed since then. And people change too. There is a very prominent mention of a book that I had promised to write, in most of those testimonials. Though always at the back of my mind, that book is yet to materialize. A person known to me challenged me to get that book out before a girl walks into my life. Though that seemed to be an interesting challenge then, now I have realized that I will not write something for the sake of writing. I know I will write, but it shall take its own sweet time.  The fact that my fiancée also reads and looks forward to my writing is a motivation in itself to write. So yeah, better some action than empty words.

Credit should be given, taken rather, for reviving the reader in me. Thanks to JK Rowling, I was able to read like I used to once –for hours together, lost in a world between those pages. I re-read the entire Harry Potter series in the hope that I’d start reading a lot again and that worked like magic. I’ve read some 14-15 books this year, apart from the HP series. This is quite an improvement from last year when the score was 3. 

I really do not know what else to write in this post, except to muse over the fact that I’ve finally written a post after long. There are quite a few things that I want to write, but in my quest to write a well-researched post, I’ve stopped musing or rambling with a personal touch. That’s what I’ve done here and that’s what I feel I should continue doing. Just start writing and muse over things in mind and voila, we have a post. That’s what we have here. 

To you, the reader, if you’ve patiently read thus far, I wish you a Merry Christmas and wonderful New Year 2018. May all your wishes be fulfilled in the year ahead!

-Ashwin Murali

PS: Writing a blog helps in many ways. My fiancée and my in-laws-to-be learnt quite a lot about me through this blog. It probably helped them ‘okay’ me, I guess. :-) So the next time someone questions you on the merit of writing a blog and what good may come of it, show them this post script. ;-)

She

She’s opinionated. She has her own views on different things. But she’s not rigid. She lends her ear to listen to what the other person has to say too. She’s the undiplomatic foil to the diplomatic me. She takes a stand as she sees it right. She also helps me take one by presenting her view. But she doesn’t force me to take a side if I don’t see the point. She talks a lot and ensures that the introvert in me isn’t active. But she also listens when spoken to. She lets me see the fun side when I become too organized. She acts as Chandler to the ‘sometimes’ Monica in me. She’s definitely the Rachel to the Ross in me. 

She’s beautiful. Not merely in her physical appearance, but in the way she goes out of her way to help people. She reads a lot. She has read a lot. But she still stays by my side if I reread a Rowling for the umpteenth time. Tamil books aren’t her forte. But that won’t stop her from pestering me to read a Sujatha or an Indira Soundarrajan or a Kalki Krishnamurthy. She’s a foodie with an eclectic taste. But that doesn’t stop her from appreciating the food I cook, however good or bad it tastes. 

She’s a feminist like me. She helps me see the tempered, liberal side of things when I see the radical side of things at times. She likes movies. No wonder then that we argue so much about a Tarantino or a Christopher Nolan or a Mani Ratnam. She writes well. She likes what I write. But that doesn’t stop her from criticizing my work when she sees the need for it. She’s my first and my best critic. 

I don’t know if she genuinely likes football. But she sits by my side and supports Chelsea whenever a match is on. I think she likes Cristiano Ronaldo. But that hasn’t stopped her from appreciating the beauty of Messi’s game. She loves Rafael Nadal. But she also acknowledges and appreciates the magic in Federer’s game. She’s not much of a cricket fan. But she’ll still sit in front of the TV when Dhoni is batting. She loves music. I love the way she finds me videos of a Hamsadhwani being played, just because I told her that I like it. She’s a big fan of AR Rahman. But she’s always by my side when I get immersed into the beauty of an Ilayaraja. 

She’s spiritual. But she never imposes her views on spirituality and religion on others. She’s actively social and socially active. I love the way she secures her spot in the sofa like Sheldon. I love the way she imagines herself to be Snape whenever she gets to say ‘Always’. I love the way she teases me with her ‘backpacking in Western Europe’ story when she’s in the mood. ;-) I love the way she tells me that I know nothing, like Jon Snow. I love the way she makes me binge watch FRIENDS when she realizes that I’m a bit down and not my usual self.  I love the way she enjoys a walk by the seaside with winds for whisper and waves for music. I love the way she is, for she loves me the way I am. I love her for what she is. She is. She exists. In the corners of my heart. In the chambers of my brain. She exists. In my dreams. In a parallel universe. I hope to meet her in real, someday.

The above passage was written in response to an often-asked-of-late question. :-) I let my creative juices flow a bit. Nothing more. Nothing less. Don’t imagine things. :-)

Tales of a Teetotaler

**Insert a word that conveys the message that I am back again here**

Now that the ‘back again’ part has been taken care of, let me chide myself for my laziness. So many ideas had cropped up in my mind since my last blog post, but my laziness got the better of me. In the meantime, I started writing in Medium.com and successfully completed the challenge that I set for myself – to review all the Oscar nominated films before the Academy Awards ceremony. Since Facebook is my de facto platform for movie reviews, I plan to utilize Medium for other kinds of articles that I’ve been planning to write for quite a long time. Come whatsoever, this blog remains the closest to my heart for this is a platform where I open up and share stories with a personal touch. I’ll ensure that it continues to be that.

As for today’s post, I’ve been planning to write this for long but something or the other kept resisting me. It has finally materialized today.

Disclaimer/Note: This post is not a Moral Science Lecture. It’s just my take on some of the real experiences that I’ve encountered. Also, considering the contents of this post, no names have been taken and in some cases, I’ve tried to mask the situation/surroundings so as not to reveal anything more than what’s written. Please note that not everyone may be comfortable reading what’s written in this post. If you are one of them, please stay away from this post.

Teetotaller:

The first time I came across this word was during my college days. Someone used that word to describe me and that’s when I learnt what that word meant. A teetotaller is a person who doesn’t drink alcohol. In other words, he abstains from drinking. I was thrilled at having discovered a word that described me. It was only later that I realized that word was not something to flaunt. During college days (UG days), I witnessed many a non-drinker in my class turn first-time drinkers and later, I saw many of them turn heavy drinkers. Towards the end of my college days, there were hardly 4 or 5 guys in my class of 60+ students who continued to be teetotalers and I kinda felt good that I was one of them.

The reality and cultural difference:

As time wore on and I moved out of Coimbatore for the first time to work in Odisha, I got a taste of the world outside my shell. It was different, it was difficult, but it was the reality. I was living in a shell. I was living in my comfort zone in a confined society. With that exposure to reality, my perceptions changed; my thought process changed and my mind opened up. I was able to accept a lot of things around me better. But through it all, I had some firm beliefs and values of my own and I stuck to them. My two year PG stint further enabled me to witness stuff that I had only seen in shady Hollywood films. There are stuff that I’ve witnessed and cannot write about. But over time, I learnt not to be prejudiced and accept people for who they are. This way, I was at peace with myself and was able to be friends with a lot of people. 

The question why and a bit of humiliation:

Social drinking is a norm in today’s society. Resisting it is seen as an abnormality by some. The question why I don’t drink has been posed to me on numerous occasions. People have insisted that I drink on many an occasion. I’ve been subjected to lectures on why I should drink. I’ve been grilled many times as to why I don’t drink. A girl who also happens to be a good friend, challenged me that she’ll turn me into a drinker before I finished my PG. She failed in that challenge, obviously. A friend who turned drinker after years of resistance, argued with me for over an hour as to why I should drink. I could sense a bit of guilt in him for he had given up his resistance and would have probably felt that turning me into a drinker would have vindicated his decision to drink.

The question then arises as to why I don’t drink. Some friends have tried to find out the same. They have lectured me on how moral values should be kept flexible and why it’s a necessity to drink, atleast socially, in today’s world. What they fail to grasp is that I have my own right to exercise my choice and follow the same. It’s not a question of values. It’s a matter of choice. It’s my choice that I chose not to drink. I do not understand why some people had/have difficulty in accepting this. I have accepted them for who they are. The least I could expect from them in return is reciprocation. A friend once told me that I was normal in every sense except for the fact that I don’t drink. A lady who I was reporting to while I was interning during my PG stint asked me if I drink. When I answered in the negative, she called me a loser. Once while discussing our expectations of future spouses with friends, I was scorned upon when I expressed my desire that my partner should also be a teetotaler like me. There are many such instances of humiliation that I’ve endured/keep enduring because of what is clearly my choice. For every article that you find about the ill effects of drinking, you’ll be presented with 10 articles that list out the benefits of drinking. Over time, I’ve become quite used to this humiliation and stuff and have learnt to take it all in my stride and move along.

Company for drinking:

One thing that I learnt in my corporate career is that it is ok to be a teetotaler and still have fun in social parties. In Jharsuguda, I learnt to be in the company of friends in drinking parties. I have soft drinks in such parties and partake in the funny conversations that happen in such scenarios.  It may be true that a sober me may not be able to sink in those conversations amidst people who are getting high. But I do my best to gel in and respect the invite extended to me. It’s also true that I don’t get invited to a lot of such parties, but I have no cause for complaint. Truth be told, I am not very comfortable being amidst drinkers once they start to lose their senses. I quietly slip away from such scenes when I sense people getting a bit too high and losing their senses. It’s also a fact that I do get invited to such parties from time to time and I try to honour those invites more often than not. Over time, I’ve learnt to revel in the fun despite being sober. 

But not all such parties are fun and memorable. Some of them are awful and forgettable. One such after – party incident is clearly etched in my mind. The said incident was when I had to endure quite a bad experience in getting a colleague home after a company party once. The person in question had one drink too many, threw up and was out flat. The responsibility of taking him home fell on my shoulders, along with a couple of other colleagues. The person in question was a bulky fellow who weighed about 120 kgs. It was almost midnight. You can imagine the trouble we had to go through to get that guy home. This incident happened in a small town in an era when there was no Ola or Uber. Being the only sober one, I had to drive a bike with a sleeping person and another colleague holding him as pillion riders. Despite the empty roads, it was one of the most challenging drives that I had ever done so far. Not to mention the cop we had to ‘handle’ along the way. In the end, we somehow managed to get him back home safe and sound. The whole experience left me so distraught that since then, I have never taken responsibility of anyone in such parties, who I know is bound to lose control.

Drunken Driving:

To all my friends who drink, I never advise not to drink or give any sermons of that sort. All I say to them is to drink responsibly. Also, if your friend/ colleague/ any other acquaintance is a non – drinker, kindly respect his/her choice and never make the mistake of insisting them to have a drink. Also please bear in mind your surroundings and the people around, when you drink. Never over – drink in any social gathering. I might sound like a lecturer already with the above points, but the reason I am putting them down here is because of what I’ve witnessed and experienced with people around me. Drinking should not cause any trouble to people around. In so many cases that I’ve witnessed, it is not just the person but his/her family members who get affected the most because of the person’s irresponsible drinking behavior. This was a classic case that I witnessed 3years ago and it again left me disturbed. The one thing that I always tell everyone and insist on is NEVER TO DRINK AND DRIVE. I personally know of 3 people (friends and friends of friends) who have lost their lives to this malaise. So please take this seriously. It’s certainly not a thrill to get behind the wheel when you’re drunk for you’re not only endangering your life, but also the lives of so many others on the road.

I have written this post here in the hope that you, the reader, would understand what teetotalers like me go through in the so – called ‘social drinking is a necessity in today’s world’ society and I hope that you take it the right spirit. Cheers to you! 👍

With this post, I’ve given vent to some of the thoughts that I had bottled up within me over the years. This blog is a good platform to pour my angst or observations or whatever and writing this here has certainly made me feel light. I take leave in the hope that I get to write more often here. Ciao.

- Ashwin Murali